Let me be straight with you. I don’t always love myself. There are days where I actually hate everything about me. Whether it’s because I’m a little flabby, or it’s because I’m mad at myself for overreacting to something small…there are days where I just can’t stand myself…
and that’s okay.
Self-love is something that is not easy to accomplish. It’s a complicated journey, especially when you’re in a tangle of emotional situations. Having anxiety and depression do not help. Sometimes it feels like there are more bad days than good days. The little things that bug me about myself outweigh everything.
There are days where I actively make an effort to shake off the bad things I tell myself. There are days where I don’t. Days where I succeed in making myself proud of what I’ve been able to overcome. Other days I’m angry at myself for being anxious over the exact same scenario for the I don’t know whatever umpteenth time.
It’s tough. It’s so annoying to work on changing these mindsets, these opinions you have about yourself, only to take 15 steps back after taking three leap forwards towards acceptance.
I have a friend who told me that she admires my confidence on how I carry myself with the way I dress. I have never put much thought about it. The first time she said that, I was dumbfounded. When I repeated it back to her, stunned, she said it again. Insisted she meant it. If I ask her again after all these years, she’ll still say she means it.
It’s a continuous process. I’m continuing every day in the effort to make my days better than the last. I will admit that lately, I am proud of myself for making it through another day. It’s the little things. I have to start taking more steps though. Staying in the same place can make one settle into a routine, another sense of security…and then it can cause me to start going backwards instead of forwards. I need to keep going.
The best of me is yet to come. What about you? How’s your journey of self-love coming along?