On Saturday night after much struggles of staying awake while playing Anthem, I went to bed. I’d had a crazy day and needed the rest.
Then, as a lot of Puerto Ricans are used to it, I felt something shift in the air and I was wide awake. I heard some beeping. Then I turned to my side and tried to get back to sleep. It then dawned on me that it was way too quiet. Quieter than it normally is in my building.
I looked up and I didn’t see the green light in my AC, my speaker wasn’t playing my white noise playlist, it felt a little stuffy in my room.
We didn’t get the power back until 3pm same day. It was annoying. I had to go out for food because I refused to open the fridge to let anything spoil. I wanted to protect my groceries.
I spent a bunch of time thinking about my past and my current mental health struggles. I was thinking about all these things about myself that frustrate me, things I’m still working on, how there are these things I want to accomplish and I just can’t seem to get the motivation at all.
I have been making progress learning ‘Dalla Dalla’ but I can’t find the motivation to do more exercise. I wanna go down to what I was during VidCon and I’m not even close. Just wanting to do it isn’t enough. I need to move to get there but I don’t have the motivation…something is stopping me.
It’s so frustrating and defeating at the same time. I know I need to keep going, I just don’t know what else to do.
There’s so much more left to say. I should stop for now.